Mega Garbage Rafts, AKA Yachts
Photo by Viktor Ritsvall on Unsplash
Why hello there, traveler, and welcome to the "Apocalypse Tour." This is the tour for the lovers of all things morbid. Those who want to see some things that are a little f@cked up (an expletive that is indeed universal). We note the problematic locations, tools, and, in this case, transportation vehicles that contributed to species 947 or humanity's end on an insignificant rock called Earth in the year 90,423 XE (what humans may know as 2XXX AD).
On this tour, we are looking at Mega Garbage Rafts, known to the primitives of Earth as "commercial yachts" [kuh·mur·shl yaats]. These were large buoyant structures used by members of 947 to traverse large liquid bodies of oxygen and hydrogen, sodium, and chloride that made up most of their planet's surface (see also the sugar oceans of Rhyzome for a more famous comparison).
With the exception of the glorious man-eating willows of Abba-B, sentient organisms within this dimension have typically used some device, whether mechanical, emotional, or biological, to get around. A vessel used to cross a liquid body only makes sense on such worlds where liquid surfaces are dominant. These have independently developed countless times across the histories of many species in our universe.
However, unlike more utilitarian vehicles used to transport items and people great distances for trade and travel, Mega Garbage Rafts were unique in the galaxy for primarily being used as a commodity for one single entity or procreative unit (note, for the gestalt consciousnesses on the tour today, human procreative units were often ten organisms or less). These commercial yachts could be pretty large — a minimum somewhere in the range of 30 to 50 feet — and the larger "super," "mega," or "giga" yachts could be anywhere from 120 to over 300 feet (note, one human foot is equivalent to 18 and a half quibbles).
These latter giga yachts could have dozens of crew members, not to mention all the fuel used to power them, and with that massive expense came waste. It should surprise none of our audience members, omnipotent or not, that these vehicles emitted many units of carbon dioxide, what we would classify as death chemicals, into species 947's atmosphere. As written by one insignificant human information outlet known as The Conversation:
“…a superyacht with a permanent crew, helicopter pad, submarines and pools emits about 7,020 tons of CO2 a year, according to our calculations, making it by the far worst asset to own from an environmental standpoint.”
It might seem strange that such a tremendous waste, both ecologically and materially, would be permitted for one individual's pleasure in a time of extraordinary ecological degradation, but you see, the extravagant waste of resources was the point. These vehicles were a status symbol for those in the upper caste of human society; individuals called the "rich," a type of entity very similar to the bone marrow leeches of Underburrow X because they, too, consumed the flesh of their hosts until nothing was left.
Rich people, whose social and political positions within 947's society allowed them to distort Earth's laws for personal benefit, had long stopped caring about their impact on the planet, believing they would be able to buy more oxygen when the environment was no longer habitable. Mega Garbage Rafts were the ultimate expression of this extreme selfishness. While yachts were often categorized as a waste of resources and many fragile humans from the lower castes increasingly came to resent the rich for these purchases (mainly because such opinions were grounded in material reality), most humans were loathed to destroy such vehicles.
For one, within polities such as the imperial United States of America [yoo·nai·tuhd stayts uhv uh·meh·ruh·kuh], many members of the lower caste suffered under the delusion that they, too, might be rich one day. Some even worshipped rich people, listening to their words like they were coming from the lips of a prophet. For example, economic parasite Jeff Bezos, who in the human-year 2023 owned the largest Garbage Raft in the world, had millions of humans follow him on species 947's worldwide communication system called the "Internet" [in·tr·net]. You don't destroy the garbage rafts of the beings you worship unless we are talking about the masochistic energy beings the next galaxy over (see the Xer).
Another reason people didn't destroy the Mega Garbage Rafts was because of 947's dominant economic system, capitalism [ka·puh·tuh·li·zm], which divvied up the land, as well as the materials made by the collective, into the hands of a few individuals. These individuals, the rich people we talked about earlier, often maintained their claim over such property through force, manipulating the legal system so those who violated their property claims were swiftly punished. The rich believed they had the right to use "their" property in whichever way they wanted — the social and environmental consequences of their actions be damned — and would make sure all members of the lower caste knew it.
And so most non-rich humans were often left with few options other than to guffaw at the absurdity. As fragile humans continued to experience the worsening effects of climate change, their harbors were clogged with more and more yachts of all kinds, which to this day are still rather pretty to look at in this dead world's toxic, green oceans.
A watery conclusion
For our trans-temporal visitors, when you go back to the 21st century, be sure to treat yourself to observing one of these pollutive beauties in the wild. We have provided some suggestions for Mega Garbage Raft manufacturers in the US so you can observe them at your leisure.
Westport Yachts: 637 Marine Dr, Port Angeles, WA 98363
Viking Yachts: 2713 Green Bank Rd, Egg Harbor City, NJ 08215
Burger Boat Company: 1811 Spring St, Manitowoc, WI 54220
Remember that property laws were very contentious during this period, and many humans had primitive death canons on them to protect such property from harm (see A Brief Look at Death Cannons). It's advised that you navigate these situations with caution and set your defense systems to their highest possible levels.
Note — for the humans who have somehow bypassed our encryption protocols, take comfort in the fact that this is a joke from a normal human and not a retrospective on your species' imminent demise.
DO NOT use this information to stop this future because that would create a time paradox and go against your people's laws, as well as Medium's ToS, which I'm told are very important. I AM NOT encouraging you to take the law into your own hands, something I cannot do as an appendageless species.